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I Don't Want To Get Eaten By A Bear
(Polly Edwards)

Just what the title says. Written in Tobermory on the Bicycle Built For You tour. I did not, for the record, run and leave Richard to get eaten on our trip. I did, however, scare a real live black bear away by singing at it and ringing my dangly bell.

Clever Girls Music

Once upon a time...
We decided to take our bicycles
And ride right up the Bruce
But I'm not too lucky with wildlife
(Just ask me 'bout the Canada goose)
So while I was excited to see the lakes and trees
And all the nature they have up there
I wasn't so excited about
Getting eaten by a bear

I did me a little research
And I got quite bearanoid
So we went to the outdoor outfitter store
To get some bear repelling toys
But it turns out it's quite expensive
To buy fancy pepper spray
So they handed me a whistle and a dangly Christmas bell
And said "This'll keep the bears away."

So now I jingle jangle my dangly bell
As I ride on up the road
Warns the bears, won't catch 'em unawares
Or at least that's what I'm told
But there's one thing I can't help thinking
As I ever slowly pedal my bike
See, to me, this jingling of the bells
Kinda makes it sound like...
Ding ding ding! goes the dinner bell
Come and get it, bears, see how it feels
To eat a mostly organic, vegetarian, grain-fed
Easy-catch meal on wheels
Just follow the sound of the ringing bells
Take your big teeth and go to town
And I'll blow my piddly whistle at you
So at least I can die real loud

Well, my boyfriend says it's silly to be scared
As we pedal through the Nature Reserve
But we just heard a rustle in the bushes there
And it looks like he's losing his nerve
Well, I meant it when I said I'd love him 'til the end
It just might come sooner than we thought
'Cause if a bear starts coming, then I'll start running
And it's too bad if he gets caught
But 'til then, we'll jingle...


I don't want to get eaten by a bear
There's so many better ways to go out there
Drowning's not bad, in your sleep's no worse
Especially if you make it to a hundred first
But I don't want to get eaten by a bear
Oh no, I don't want to get eaten by a bear

Pedal pedal pedal rustle rustle ROAR!
Tweet tweet tweet! Aaaaaaaaaah!!!
Run run run abandon boyfriend and run
Run run run run run run
Well, his bones sound crunchy as they munch upon him
I'm sorry, dear, but I'm long gone
'Cause I don't want to get eaten by a bear

But I guess the folks at the outfitter store
Knew what they were talking about
'Cause we made it up North and back down South
And the bears never found us out
So if you go to the Bruce, get a dangly bell
Yeah, that's the advice to take
And you'll have a lot of bear free time you can spend
Just thinking 'bout the rattlesnakes.

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